Helping the Elderly Get Orderly
- By Florence Feldman
Organization is important in everyone's life, but for the elderly it can be the key to how well they can function independently—and for how long. They need to simplify their lives while keeping their independence and dignity.
However, physical limitations of age or illness, poor memory, attachment to "the way things were," or simply the inability to ask for help can get in the way.
My mother is 87 years old and in reasonably good health, but she is not able to do what she used to do. As she says, "The old gray mare—she ain't what she used to be."
Her memory fails her, she can't lift things that are the least bit heavy and she tires rather quickly. She is in a nice retirement home where there are services available, but the staff there doesn't do everything.
That's where I come in. An organizer by profession, I naturally began to help my mother around her home even before she moved to the retirement home. As things in her apartment began to be too much for her, we began to simplify her environment.
We went through every room, little by little, several hours at a time. We sorted through the contents of every closet, shelf, and drawer—clearing out unused and unwanted items, selling or throwing away things of no use to anyone and giving usable "stuff" to a local charity.
In the kitchen, some of the pots and pans were too heavy for Mom to lift, even when empty. Things stored in very low or high cabinets, or way in the back of other cabinets, were now impossible to reach. Since she was no longer giving large dinner parties, many of the kitchen and dining room items were no longer needed, although many held fond memories.
So Mom and I decided to get the family together as we went through this part of the sorting and simplifying process. We had many tender moments reminiscing.
The "good stuff" was left with Mom, to be fairly divided later on. And, of course, there were special things that Mom wanted to give to certain people, and she took care of that. Then we boxed up dishes and other kitchen items and took them to my house, where we could all meet and choose what we wanted to keep without putting Mom through the strain.
Every family will have its own way of sorting and letting go, but it's important to be sensitive as we try to simplify our parent's environment to reflect his or her present lifestyle needs. We want this to be a positive change, not trauma.
Most elderly people want to be independent, and the order we can help bring into their environment helps keep them functional. Visibility and accessibility are the watchwords in organizing for the elderly.
For example, you can replace a crowded jewelry box, where things are hard to see, by clearing a dresser drawer and putting in lined trays with small sections for the jewelry. Then everything is visible upon opening the dresser drawer and that long-forgotten jewelry can be worn.
In reorganizing cabinets and shelves, use containers that slide forward easily, and put the things used most often in the most accessible spaces.
Even though you will be handling many tasks for your parent, respect his or her wishes. You are the helper, so be sure to resist the urge to take over. It can happen easily, without your realizing it—after all, you are used to ordering your own life—but it can be very damaging to your relationship with your parent and to the success of the simplifying process.
Many people don't like to ask for help directly, or at all. The helping child needs to be even more observant of the parent's needs in this case. For example, keep an eye on the parent's medications to be sure he or she doesn't run out and forget to get more. If you notice spots or stains on your parent's clothing, offer to help with the wash or take things to the cleaners.
You might want to compose a shopping list of the items most regularly used, and make copies of it. Then the parent just needs to check off what is needed. If the shopping is done by others, be sure to list the particulars: bran names, sizes, and where to buy.
All of us have difficulty dealing with all the paper in our lives, and this is increasingly the case as we get older. For example, outdated papers and notices can be very confusing. Managing finances can also become a problem. In every instance, the first step is the same: Eliminate the unnecessary.
If your parent doesn't have one already, start a simple portable filing system with only the most essential papers. Be sure to label the folders in bold capital letters so they will be easy to read. Your job may be to keep up on the filing and to make sure all the bills are paid, checkbooks are balanced, other financial matters stay in order, and that all the unneeded paper is disposed of regularly.
Most organizing tasks can be done with your parent present and can be a wonderful opportunity to spend meaningful time together. You can get to know and appreciate one another in new ways.
However, the sessions can deteriorate into constant bickering. If your parent gets testy, it usually indicates that you have ignored earlier signs that his or her sense of dignity and pride has been wounded by the need to be dependent on you.
If you keep your eyes and ears sensitive to this natural response, you will earn your parent's gratitude and respect. And you will achieve your goal: to help your parent function independently and comfortably for as long as possible.
